Today I had my first experience with an “audio tour” in a museum, the kind where everyone has an audio player for a “personal” guided tour through the exhibits on display.

The experience totally kills not only conversation, but human contact of any kind. Because my friend and I pressed the button at different times, the “curator” isn’t saying things to each of us at the same time. Coupled with the feeling that I was listening to public radio with six Tylenol PMs in me, I found that listening to the guided tour itself was increasingly boring. By the eighth “stop,” out of twenty two, I took my headphones off and just walked around reading the captions on the exhibits. That was way better, and at least my friend and I were going, “look!” in hushed tones.

It would have been an amusing sight: imagine five people staring at the same thing, silently, while listening to the same voice. It was completely a one-way conversation for most of the viewers. My friend and I couldn’t bear to continue that way.

The exhibit itself was amazing, covering ancient Egypt all the way through the Greco-Roman period when the character of Egypt changed forever thanks to Roman occupation.

Take note that in the mild (think 30s, 20s) winter weather of Baltimore, we were on our feet for the most part. From the gallery it was a mile to the Inner Harbor for dinner, and another two miles to the host’s house for coffee and chitchat with his other friends.

That, dear friends, is my reminder that I had a physical form: the cold outside, and the warmth of black coffee enjoyed in the company of good friends.