We all relate to one another: friends, enemies, lovers, ex-lovers, parents, children. Whatever the circumstances of our relationships, ideally, we relate. Think not for a second that the reclusive person does not in his heart relate to someone, if but his own self.

We have heard the usual words of wisdom about relationships, especially the loving ones. We hear about the usual ingredients for a healthy relationship: trust, honesty, knowledge of each other, and at the same time respect for each other’s space.

We talk about these as if they do not form a gestalt, a bigger picture of the dynamic between each other, yet we see them work, in fact, as a single totality of the relationship. I’d like to focus for a short moment, as I close up shop tonight, the matter of knowing each other, and the trust it involves.

Look at the person you trust most, who trusts you the most, and ask yourself, “do I know what this person is afraid of? Do I know what he fears?” I am not talking of spiders and bedbugs and boogeymen in closets. I do not talk of casual fears of death, of loss. I am talking about the very fears that drive us, the negative energy that also serves as wind in our sails. The motivation about which none of us want to admit motivates us.

Do you know your lover that well? If so you have a responsibility never to use that knowledge as a tool in your relationship. This is a matter of the biggest trust: that there are things we know about each other that we never use on each other no matter the circumstance. The people we love deserve more than that.

Our private pain, once shared, is the contract we write on stone and sign in blood with the people we have chosen to trust, and love.

Good night, everyone.