14 July 2004. — In a surprising turn of events, Senator Hillary Clinton, R-NY announced that she has changed party affiliations and has now joined the Republican Party. She has signed up to introduce the incumbent president, George W. Bush, in his speech on the last night of the Republican National Convention.

“Mainstream Democrats these days are either so vile and hateful, or, like that Senator from Massachusetts, cannot make up their minds. The war on terror requires decisive action, and I refuse to be part of a party whose de facto leader is running for president and yet cannot make up his mind,” Mme. Hillary said in an interview with FOX News.

“Make no mistake, I consider class warfare the biggest domestic issue facing us today. However, my former partymates have fully embraced Communism while I refuse to ascribe to an ideology that has killed millions of people throughout its time,” she continued. When told that her statement about taking things away from others “for the common good” was actually a Marxist sentiment, she clarified: “It may be Marxist, but I am a socialist. I am not a Communist like the others who quote Marx, like those angst-ridden college students drinking ‘fair-trade’ coffee in dingy, struggling coffeehouses while they listen to juvenile poetry.”

“I honestly believe that a Republican-In-Name-Only president like George W. Bush will promote the ideals of socialism that I hold dear while appealing to his base by appearing ‘compassionate.’ I believe the George W. Bush’s economic policies of cutting taxes and increasing money in the hands of people will allow for a stronger economy that will protect our jobs from being bettered by foreign elements. Though rising consumer prices will be the result, it is important to maintain jobs in this country, and the best way we can do that is to raise tarrifs on imported goods. Higher prices mean higher sales taxes, which means more money for compassionate social programs. And we all know that George W. Bush is a truly compassionate president.”

Asked whether her husband approved of her decision to change parties, she said: “He’s too busy selling that book. I got the doghouse ready for him anyway.” Senator Robert Byrd, D-WV, in a bedside interview this morning mumbled through his white blankets: “Wrong! Wrong! Wrong! Wrong! Wrong! Wrong! Wrong! Wrong! Wrong! Wrong!”

(And that folks, is a satire when I try it.)

Michele Catalano has shown me basis that life may just imitate satire.