Are you an undecided voter? Well Miss Venomous Kate has a spanking for you!

I don’t believe in this “undecided” voter crap. By now, if not long before now, I think most folks know who they’re voting for. When people claim they’re “undecided”, I smirk. Fine. Whatever.

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Pretty typically, the majority of both candidates’ efforts at this stage of the election are directed toward these “undecided” voters. Wooing them. Trying to suss out their real concerns. (”By golly, we’ve talked about the economy, homeland security, the war on terrorism, jobs, welfare, immigration, taxes… What the hell do these people want?!”)

I think they like that, these “undecided” voters. It makes them feel special. [...]

The responsibility that comes with the privelege of suffrage is that one needs to get out and find the candidate that he thinks would follow his agenda, represent his views, work in his self interest, or work against the interests of those he opposes. Professor James Joyner also has an opinion of these “undecided” voters:

I still maintain that anyone who honestly doesn’t know whether they prefer Bush or Kerry at this point is highly unlikely to vote and is too stupid to vote. Further, I believe the overwhelming number of so-called undecided voters know damned well who they prefer.

Shepard Smith calls these “undecideds” liars, and I believe him. I think these so-called undecideds fall into two camps.

Members of the first camp believe that they, in their high intellectual standards, philosophical ethos, and such impeccable mental abilities, cannot be tainted by the disgrace of voting for someone who is too human to actually live up to what they want. We can expect these “undecideds” to sit the election out in their collegiate coffee houses, reading aloud angsty philosophical treatises on the failings of American civilization because they are not represented in the government. Some of these first-camp members would be libertarians for who Badnarik was not a choice in the phone polls. We can expect many of the first camp to treat the rest of the electorate with disdain for being “sheeple,” and for voting in the lines of game theory and for sacrificing their political and ideological integrity in exchange for someone they like, to win. We can expect these people to never be convinced to vote for anyone except for themselves.

Members of the second camp are much less complex. They are the ones who are too stupid, or apathetic, to vote for anyone.

Listen up folks. No one in this current race is wooing undecideds anymore. It just costs too much time, energy, and effort to change the minds of a handful of people who are either too smart or too stupid to vote for one or the other. This election is about getting the vote out and about energizing the base enough to bring out a winning majority. Not all members of “the base” are gun-toting fascist robotniks who say “Amen” after every word that Bush says nor are they dirty, unwashed, smelly hippies who dance and sing a chorus of “Salam” every time John Kerry snipes at the president. We are the ones who have weighed our options and have, for better or worse, decided to choose one over the other. Not just to sit things out, nor to be perpetually undecided—and unconvincible—but that we have chosen to choose.

And so here is my unsurprising endorsement for the incumbent president of the United States of America:

In an America disillusioned by the horrors of 9/11, the goal is not to go back to the way we were before we were rudely awakened by the narcolepetic hysteria that the Clinton years brought upon us. The goal is to win against the ideology that yearns to destroy us by bringing light into the darkness.

I know that George W. Bush aims for victory in the war against Islamofascism. Failure in an attempt to aim for the skies lands us on the roof. Failure in an attempt to aim for the roof lands us on the floor.

Perhaps the rationale for my endorsement may be the least intelligent and intellectual of most of the thousand-or-more-word-columns that have been released. But, after all the words, it’s the votes that count. I am a blogger for Bush. That is what matters. May he win on November 2nd.