Despite the name, there are no eyeballs in this pasta dish. And it’s not full of junk (and the kitchen sink gets to stay in place). Everyone has a “one size fits all,” low-maintenance pasta dish for those days when white rice gets to be just so darn boring, ey?

This dish starts off with rotini pasta cooked according to package directions. While waiting for the water to boil—watching it makes it shy—finely chop cloves of garlic. Slice into eighths: Roma tomatoes.

Heat equal parts olive oil and real butter in a wide skillet. When the grease is hot, lower the heat way down and slowly cook garlic in the fat until it cooks down (Make sure it doesn’t brown or else it’s going to be “toasted garlic” and that kind of taste is not easy to acquire. Thanks, Stephen for reminding me about this reminder.) . During this phase, you can throw in your spices. In this case I added red pepper flakes, dried basil, dried oregano. I wish I had an anchovy fillet, but oh well. Once the oil has been infused with the spices, crank the heat up to cook your tomatoes. If you use sun-dried tomatoes you don’t have to raise the heat much. The fresh tomatoes need to be cooked until their pulp is hot, which is usually when they start to peel and sweat. Just toss them around once or twice and don’t shake them up too much, so that the tomatoes don’t turn into mush.

Around the time you first toss your tomatoes into the oil, your pasta should be ready. Drain it and once the “sauce” is ready, place the pasta into the saucepan and toss until well-coated. Add parmiggiano reggiano if you want, or if you’re a cheap bastard like me, “parmesan” that comes in a plastic can works fine.

Take note I didn’t involve proportions and measurements, hence the name, “eyeball.” Gotta eyeball everything. It will make each iteration of this dish different everytime (until you find one you like). Want something more garlicky? Tomato-ey? Spicy? Hot? Want black olives or maybe drained artichoke hearts? The kitchen sink? You can go wild if you want. Just remember that you gotta know your ingredients or else you might end up with something unpalatable.

Test in moderation first, and have some adventures later. Have fun, and live, love and… urk!