Time, change, and initiative

Take any dynamic—or relationship—between two people, or two groups of people. Now, give this dynamic enough time for both parties to discover a fair and relatively full disclosure of each other. I have come to the conclusion that whatever the consquences of that dynamic—good or bad, triumphant or tragic, whatever they may be—after a certain point in time, both parties are responsible for those consequences.

Take note, I did not say “deserve;” at worst, “beget” would be my harshest assessment.

It may seem cruel or unfair for me to say that the battered wife of so many years is responsible for the bruises on her body or the insanity that she may descend into, but at one point in her life this person has come to the realization that nothing will change in her partner and that the choice—the opportunity to choose—has come and will be made. Even if that choice was to stay in that relationship. What happens to her next is a result of her choice to stay. The animal with whom she has chosen to stay also has had the opportunity to make the choice.

It is a cold, hard calculus that applies to almost any situation in life and taking the initiative to make a change in any relationship is a responsibility of either person.

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